The Same Old Story About The Same Old Paper
It's 3:30 AM.
Get up. Get up. Get up, you have to get this shit done. You won't have time later, you were only supposed to sleep until 2:20. GET UP.
Snooze button.
It's 3:45 AM. Reality is slipping into the background and sleep takes my brain away from me.
Need to...what time is it? 3:45...I'll get up at 4:00 maybe, it'll be ok, that gives me...5 hours? 6...no...
Snooze button.
It's 4:00 AM. I'm still in bed. In my mind, I'm not sleeping any more.
What are you doing? Get out of bed, you're just lying here doing...what? What are these? They're not even pillows they're just...hamburgers. You're eating nothing, these hamburgers, you aren't even hungry. You should be writing your paper. Not hamburgers...something else...where...what time is it? One more snooze and I'll get up.
Snooze button.
It's 4:45 AM. I'm face-down on the bed. I never sleep like this. I'm wearing only jeans and a "wifebeater" undershirt and it's 72 degrees in the room. I'm sweating like it's mid-summer. Panic is gripping me. I can feel it. I can literally feel it as though panic is a real person who is really taking hold first of my brainsteam, then down my spine, my legs, my arms. It's hot...I start to sweat.
Get up! Get up there's no time! You won't finish! What about your test, you were going to take your test this morning and it's the last day!!! You won't get your paper done, and if your paper isn't done you can't do your poster, and you won't be done and you can't show up to lab with nothing and if you don't show up (TA) will fail you like she should have months ago and you won't graduate and you won't get into grad school and...
Alarm clock. Reality. Panic lets go for a second. Snooze button.
It's 5:00 am. Panic has me again, but this time I'm wiggling free.
Dude. Seriously. Up. Now. It's 5:00 and you were gonna take a 20 minute nap 3 hours ago. You can't sleep all morning and expect to finish this. You don't have a peer edit of your paper because you did that, now you're gonna turn in first-draft crap that you haven't even given a cold read? Get out of bed. NOW.
I'm up. I'm ashamed of myself. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want to sit here and blubber like a spoiled little child and let myself be overwhelmed. I want to say I can't do it and just fail. Just fuck it and fail...but I won't. I can do this, and I will. I've done it before, and I've done it under worse circumstances. I wiggle the mouse of my computer to cancel the screen saver. There is an IM from the AOL System Manager:
"Your AIM session is now logged in from two (2) locations..."
Oh no.
Our router went out again. FUCKING LINKSYS! What the hell is wrong with you people and your shitty router?!? Dear God, tell me I have internet. Tell me I'm jacking enough signal from the neighbors to be able to get online...
My academic career is flashing before my eyes. My TA will never buy this.I click the network connection box...
Signal Strength: Very Low.
Status: Connected.
Thank God. This is a stay of execution. This is the Gods of academics saying, "We had everything fall into place so you could get this done, and you squandered and squandered your opportunities. Do not fuck with us." Point taken. I e-mail my TA about the router, not that she'll care. I list the things I owe her for her mercy, included in which are baked goods and submitting to physical violence. She won't care about the router, but if she'll laugh at the rest. If she laughs, I'm likeable. If I'm likeable, she'll take it easy on me. I need that, because I have my head irrevokably lodged in my ass this semester.
Maybe I could go to support meetings for this.
"Hi, my name is Dan, and I'm a procrastinator. By 'procrastinator' I mean, 'most times, I just flat out don't do shit for no reason other than the fact that I don't wanna.'"
"Hi Dan."
Let's not bullshit though, I'd skip the meetings to play Playstation. Whether it's pure, immature laziness or a complication of the ADD I'm not sure. A lot of both, I think. I thought again last night about how I really should be on medication for my Attention Defecit, but because those are generally stimulants, I don't want to take them because they don't mix well with alcohol.
Ain't that some sad shit? I won't take the medicine to help me get my shit done becasue I wanna get drunk on the weekends during my "celebration" time. Celebrating what, motherfucker? Waiting tables, sleeping through your two classes and then not doing homework all week? Yeah, drink up. A toast to you, ace. Way to get 'em out there.
It's 5:00 AM and I'm sick of always doing this. Every time I say, "This next assignment, I'm gonna do it a little at a time, in advance and it's gonna be A+ quality. This next test, I'm gonna study and..." Yeah right. Who am I kidding? I'll spend at least the rest of the semester hastily throwing shit together at the last minute and settling for the B+ I can manage out of it.
It's 5:00 AM and it's time to finish researching my sources and plug in my data and finish this paper.
Hey, that sequence with the alarm clock would make a great blog lead-in...
It's 6:00 AM and I'm doing it again. The gods of academics are rasing the axe and I'm laying my head on the chopping block, grinning all the while.
"Hi my name is Dan, and..."
Get up. Get up. Get up, you have to get this shit done. You won't have time later, you were only supposed to sleep until 2:20. GET UP.
Snooze button.
It's 3:45 AM. Reality is slipping into the background and sleep takes my brain away from me.
Need to...what time is it? 3:45...I'll get up at 4:00 maybe, it'll be ok, that gives me...5 hours? 6...no...
Snooze button.
It's 4:00 AM. I'm still in bed. In my mind, I'm not sleeping any more.
What are you doing? Get out of bed, you're just lying here doing...what? What are these? They're not even pillows they're just...hamburgers. You're eating nothing, these hamburgers, you aren't even hungry. You should be writing your paper. Not hamburgers...something else...where...what time is it? One more snooze and I'll get up.
Snooze button.
It's 4:45 AM. I'm face-down on the bed. I never sleep like this. I'm wearing only jeans and a "wifebeater" undershirt and it's 72 degrees in the room. I'm sweating like it's mid-summer. Panic is gripping me. I can feel it. I can literally feel it as though panic is a real person who is really taking hold first of my brainsteam, then down my spine, my legs, my arms. It's hot...I start to sweat.
Get up! Get up there's no time! You won't finish! What about your test, you were going to take your test this morning and it's the last day!!! You won't get your paper done, and if your paper isn't done you can't do your poster, and you won't be done and you can't show up to lab with nothing and if you don't show up (TA) will fail you like she should have months ago and you won't graduate and you won't get into grad school and...
Alarm clock. Reality. Panic lets go for a second. Snooze button.
It's 5:00 am. Panic has me again, but this time I'm wiggling free.
Dude. Seriously. Up. Now. It's 5:00 and you were gonna take a 20 minute nap 3 hours ago. You can't sleep all morning and expect to finish this. You don't have a peer edit of your paper because you did that, now you're gonna turn in first-draft crap that you haven't even given a cold read? Get out of bed. NOW.
I'm up. I'm ashamed of myself. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want to sit here and blubber like a spoiled little child and let myself be overwhelmed. I want to say I can't do it and just fail. Just fuck it and fail...but I won't. I can do this, and I will. I've done it before, and I've done it under worse circumstances. I wiggle the mouse of my computer to cancel the screen saver. There is an IM from the AOL System Manager:
"Your AIM session is now logged in from two (2) locations..."
Oh no.
Our router went out again. FUCKING LINKSYS! What the hell is wrong with you people and your shitty router?!? Dear God, tell me I have internet. Tell me I'm jacking enough signal from the neighbors to be able to get online...
My academic career is flashing before my eyes. My TA will never buy this.I click the network connection box...
Signal Strength: Very Low.
Status: Connected.
Thank God. This is a stay of execution. This is the Gods of academics saying, "We had everything fall into place so you could get this done, and you squandered and squandered your opportunities. Do not fuck with us." Point taken. I e-mail my TA about the router, not that she'll care. I list the things I owe her for her mercy, included in which are baked goods and submitting to physical violence. She won't care about the router, but if she'll laugh at the rest. If she laughs, I'm likeable. If I'm likeable, she'll take it easy on me. I need that, because I have my head irrevokably lodged in my ass this semester.
Maybe I could go to support meetings for this.
"Hi, my name is Dan, and I'm a procrastinator. By 'procrastinator' I mean, 'most times, I just flat out don't do shit for no reason other than the fact that I don't wanna.'"
"Hi Dan."
Let's not bullshit though, I'd skip the meetings to play Playstation. Whether it's pure, immature laziness or a complication of the ADD I'm not sure. A lot of both, I think. I thought again last night about how I really should be on medication for my Attention Defecit, but because those are generally stimulants, I don't want to take them because they don't mix well with alcohol.
Ain't that some sad shit? I won't take the medicine to help me get my shit done becasue I wanna get drunk on the weekends during my "celebration" time. Celebrating what, motherfucker? Waiting tables, sleeping through your two classes and then not doing homework all week? Yeah, drink up. A toast to you, ace. Way to get 'em out there.
It's 5:00 AM and I'm sick of always doing this. Every time I say, "This next assignment, I'm gonna do it a little at a time, in advance and it's gonna be A+ quality. This next test, I'm gonna study and..." Yeah right. Who am I kidding? I'll spend at least the rest of the semester hastily throwing shit together at the last minute and settling for the B+ I can manage out of it.
It's 5:00 AM and it's time to finish researching my sources and plug in my data and finish this paper.
Hey, that sequence with the alarm clock would make a great blog lead-in...
It's 6:00 AM and I'm doing it again. The gods of academics are rasing the axe and I'm laying my head on the chopping block, grinning all the while.
"Hi my name is Dan, and..."
posted by Beav at 6:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home