How To Fail Miserably, Then Succeed In College

You are about to read an excerpt from the “story” of a college freshman in the fall of 2000. The story begins one cold Saturday night in October, when he found himself in an argument with his ex-girlfriend. The argument stemmed from his feelings that she had shunned him when he needed somebody he could trust to help him get adjusted to college.

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“I don’t know what you’re so worried about,” she accused, “I mean, yeah, I can see you’ve got a few problems, but it’s not like you can’t overcome it. You don’t need me. You’ve got your fraternity brothers and your friends and your family. It’s not like you’re alone.”

“I’m failing my classes. I’m away from my family, my best friend is 2,000 miles away, and I live in a house full of guys who are supposed to be my brothers, but I can’t talk to them because they don’t know me and I don’t trust them.” His voice began to break as the bleakness of his situation overtook him. “I don’t know anybody here well enough to be able to talk to them. None of these people understand me. I have never been so alone in all my life.”

There, he had said it. For the two and a half months he’d been away at college something had been eating at him. As he sat there, drunk, crying and in the midst of yet another horrible fight with his ex-girlfriend, he finally realized what it was: He was alone, and he was a failure. College, and indeed his entire life, wasn’t at all what he thought it would be. The sudden realization had hit him so hard that it swiftly reduced him to tears.

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Listen well, high school seniors, prospective and current college students alike. All who are, were, or will be enrolled in college, hear me now. All of you who have seen the movies, read the publicity pamphlets or heard the stories about college, gather ‘round. The story of our lonely freshman is non-fiction. That was me, and more importantly, it could be you.

If you’re not careful, you too might be blindsided by the horrible realization that you’ve squandered away your dreams of college bliss because you had the wrong expectations. I was seduced by the bright, pretty pictures and funny stories about college. I thought I was coming into the land of milk and honey, where life was all fun and games and nobody had a care in the world. It turned out that college was just like the rest of life: If in your collegiate experience you give nothing, you will get nothing. You, the student, cannot expect college to immediately be the way it is in Hollywood, in your big brother’s crazy stories, or in the publicity packets. I have seen the error of my former ways and mastered the art that is the collegiate experience. I have learned how to use the right mindset and output of effort to turn college into the beautiful place I imagined it to be, and be successful at the same time. Lucky for you, I’m about to tell you how on that October night, I began learning the secret of college prosperity.

Once sober and composed, I asked myself the inevitable question: “Where did I go wrong?” Truth be told, my college career was all but doomed well before it began. After conducting my (and I use the term loosely) “search” of the nation’s finest Pre-Veterinary programs, I finally decided that I didn’t want to be a Veterinarian at all. I had no idea what I wanted to be. I settled for enrolling at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, where I would pursue a major in, as I was fond of saying, “Fermented beverage consumption with a minor in freelance women’s studies.” The real joke in this statement lay in the fact that at some subconscious level, I believed it. After all, in every movie I’d seen about college, hadn’t there been great parties, pranks and sexual fiascos going on at all hours of all days? In all the stories I’d heard, hadn’t the antics and crazy goings-on of drunken buddies been the stuff that makes college “the time of your life”? Didn’t the pamphlets on college life in general and Greek life in particular show that this would be the friend-makin’est, resume-buildin’est, Frisbee-tossin’est best time this side of the Rio Grande?

Oh indeed, college was all this and more…or so I had come to believe. It would be the best time of my life! I’d party, I’d fraternize, I’d toss a football around on the front lawn of my frat, and surely this would bring me countless beautiful and promiscuous women, not to mention a sparkling GPA. In my mental college preview I had not included academics, but rather preferred to assume that the grades would all just fall into place. Somewhere along the line I decided to be a Pre-Med major. The way I figured, before I knew it, I’d be a rich doctor just like George Clooney, and I’d refer to my time at the University as the “good old days.”

It took two months for this sparkling image of the sunny, khaki-pants paradise to lose its luster. It became rapidly apparent that while my outlook on college glimmered, it was not gold. My grades were falling…but not into place, and while I had been plenty successful at getting drunk and it was true that I’d spent a goodly portion of time throwing a football around the front lawn of my fraternity house, for some baffling reason this had failed to bring the boundless happiness and droves of ladies the movies had promised me. I couldn’t throw the football forever, and when the Friday night buzz wore off and alcohol’s depressive effects began to take hold, I needed a source of pride and confidence as a fallback. When those were in short supply, I needed a close friend and confidante to help me straighten things out again. My binge drinking, reclusiveness and class skipping, however, had brought none of these.

College became a gray, oppressive hell from which I could not escape. I gave up all hope of having a good time and became just another face in the crowd. I gave nothing, and in turn, I got nothing. Bad grades turned into worse grades, and ignorant expectations about college gave way to disillusionment and depression. To make a long story short, my first year of college did not see me throw off the burden of increased academic rigors and social pressures. I failed or dropped most of my classes and was placed on level-one academic probation after my first semester of school. After another semester of poor grades and borderline alcoholism, I was on level-two academic probation and certifiably depressed. By the time finals were over, I was 90% sure that upon learning of my scholastic folly, my dad would evict me from the house. I went home for the summer fully expecting that I would be kicked out of my home and forced to join the army while I attempted to figure out what to do with my life. The logic of the course I was on would have dictated that I would slide further into a depressed, pathetic existence. It was then, however, that something unusual happened.

I was leaving my Trigonometry final, and the clouds began to pour down a cold, soaking rain. Over the course of the ten minute walk, I evaluated my life: I had just failed my last final, and my scholastic “efforts” would yield a 1.8 GPA. I was single and lonely, and had been the entire year. I didn’t like my fraternity, I didn’t like my school, and I didn’t like myself. On top of that, I was cold and soaking wet. Some people would have jumped into the creek to drown with the flash flood. Not me. A strange little smile came to my face and somewhere inside my head, that little voice we all have said, “You know what? Fuck this. It’s not going to be like this any more. It changes here, and it changes now.” I decided that I wasn’t going to be depressed about my life any longer. Quite simply, my life sucked, and it was nobody’s fault but my own. The whole scenario reminded me of a motivational speaker I had once heard. The man had slipped into depression after losing his right arm in a farming accident. He related some agricultural wisdom his father had relayed to him at the time.“Son, sometimes life dumps a load of shit on you. When that happens, you have two choices: One is that you can sit there in all that shit and cry and pity yourself, but you’ll still be surrounded by shit and you’ll look and smell shitty to yourself and everyone else. Everything around you will still be shit. The other option is that you can get up, clean yourself off, and use that load of shit like fertilizer to make your life grow.”

Granted, it was a blunt and somewhat vulgar bit of advice, but suddenly it made a world of sense to me. I vowed that I would rise up, clean my life off and start growing. From that time on, I was going to quit pitying myself and wasting my time. I was going to stop treating every minor setback like a major tragedy. I was going to savor the good times, and dispense with the bad. I would approach each new challenge with the attitude that even if I didn’t conquer it, damn it, I would give it my best shot and learn something from the experience. I returned home that May with an inward happiness and an irrepressible sense of optimism. My friends and family were taken aback by change in my attitude. Immediately it began to change my life. Within a month I had a fun job, I was getting into good physical shape, and I had a beautiful girlfriend. Those who knew me for my self-pity and laziness were shocked. Sensing that my newfound outlook on life was an indicator of good things to come, my dad said he would allow me another semester at college to see if I got it right. I spent the happiest summer of my life that year, and when I came back to Lincoln in August, college once again sparkled with promise and opportunity.

Over the summer, the idiots living in my fraternity house managed to lose our lease, but I found that I didn’t really care. I moved into the dorms and didn’t miss a beat. I strolled to and from classes with a smile on my face and a groove in my step. I genuinely enjoyed studying and learning the subject matter of my courses, which lead to good grades in my new general studies major. I quickly made friends in my dorm and in my classes. Any one of these things by itself was more than I had accomplished in the entire 2000-2001 academic year. Most of them were accomplished within a few weeks. I still partied and had plenty of recreation, but I found that these things were far more enjoyable when they felt deserved and when I was already happy with the way my life was going. I was giving everything I had, and I was getting a lot in return.

My optimism and dedication spawned success. My grade point average rose steeply. Soon, instead of a 1.2 sitting in the GPA column of my grade report, there was a 3.5. My achievements brought me happiness and optimism, which when paired with continuing dedication produced more success. I had an entirely new outlook on life. I was no longer the lazy, melodramatic high school kid who wasted an entire year getting drunk and playing Playstation. I was an actual college student who went to his classes and passed his tests. I earned my celebration, which made partying that much more enjoyable. I had a good attitude and a magnetic personality for the first time in my life. Suddenly college was that place full of great times and funny stories and I could enjoy partying and hanging out with my friends because I knew I deserved it.

College life can be great if you know how to make it happen. You will flourish if you promise yourself that you will put your best effort into everything you do, and not let failures or unexpected problems ruin your will to succeed. Work hard, and by doing that you give yourself good reason to play hard, and that playing is what makes college the Frisbee-tossin’ good time you read about in those pamphlets. It took me a year to learn that celebration without cause is not what college is all about. College is about doing what it takes to earn your happiness, and then celebrating that happiness. That’s the moral of my story. I wish you luck in writing yours.

The Night That Began The Worst 7 Months Of My Life

Written in September of '03


“So I forget about her, and then when she comes back, I just pretend to have forgotten about her?”
“Right…only more likely the opposite.
“What?”
“Well at first you just pretend to forget about her, but eventually you really do forget.”
“And what if she comes back before I forget?”
“See, that’s the thing…somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.”
-Swingers


I know a lot of guys who would say that losing all the money in their wallet in one night is a traumatic event. On July 19, 2003, “all the money in my wallet” was ten dollars, and technically I hadn’t lost it. I’d gambled it away over the course of a poker night at my friend Devon’s house. I certainly wasn’t happy about the loss of my precious cash, but it was only a dollar more than an hour’s wage. I would have earned the money back by 1:00 the next afternoon. Besides, I love to play poker so it was more like paying $10 to be entertained. It was a loss from which I could easily recover. What I didn’t know was that when I arrived home, I would suffer a loss from which I still have not recovered.

Perhaps I should give you a little background on what my life was like up until that memorable poker night: I was in the midst of a mellow, yet enjoyable summer. I had just finished my junior year of college and gotten excellent grades. I made $9 an hour as a lifeguard and had 8 rescues, so I suppose on some level that made me a hero. It made me well-tanned and well-paid at the very least. I was having a great time partying with my friends and finally getting to spend lots of time with my girlfriend, Anna. Things with me and Anna were better than they’d ever been.
In the year and three months we’d been dating, we had always gotten along very well, but busy schedules and ever-changing locations kept us from seeing each other as much as we would have liked. During our first summer I made frequent trips from Omaha to Lincoln so that I could spend time with her. During the school year we were lucky to get five hours together in a week despite the fact that my dorm room was directly above hers. Finally, though, we had a summer where we were both in the same city and relatively unscheduled. I couldn’t have been happier. She meant the world to me, and I meant as much to her. The school year was done, Anna was there with me and I no longer had to answer to other girls when they so suggestively asked, “Where’s your girlfriend?” No matter what had gone wrong in my day, the moment I saw her face everything was better. My summer was going perfectly. I had good grades, a good job, the cool house where everybody wanted to party, a beautiful girlfriend who loved me…you name it. In my mind’s eye, I was the shit. Did you notice how that description is written in past-tense? Ah, what a difference a day makes…

I returned home from poker night in much better spirits than when I had left. A good drive and some loud music almost always do wonders for my mood. It was past 2:00 AM, so I figured I would just grab a glass of milk, check my e-mail and be off to bed. My figuring was all wrong. Steps one and two of the process went precisely as planned, but what waited for me in the e-mail was as unpredictable as it was surreal. I typed in my login name and password as I had done thousands of times before, and found that I had just one new message. Already I was getting excited.

Anna was in Turkey for an archaeological project. She had been gone nine days, which left 26 days until she came home…but who was counting? I had yet to hear from her, and I was becoming worried for her safety. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was becoming worried for the safety of our relationship. I hadn’t spent a moment away from my phone since she’d been gone, and I must have checked my e-mail a hundred times in that span of nine days. I had written her at least once every day, but up until that point there had been no reply.

My spirits skyrocketed when I saw that the lone message was from Anna. I hastily read through the contents of her message, thanking me for writing her while she was away, saying that she’d been having lots of fun and was very busy, it sounded like I was having fun back at home…then that while she had been there she had been doing a lot of thinking. My body became heavy in the chair, and somewhere in my head there was a switch as my thoughts and my emotions disconnected. This was not good. Everything within me braced for impact.

She had been doing lots of thinking, and she felt like she just needed to be single right now.

It wasn’t my fault, I had been great to her…

The words became a blur and now I felt adrenaline rushing into my bloodstream. I could have torn the house down with my bare hands if only I could have gotten out of that chair.

Did that really just happen? Did my girlfriend of fifteen months just dump me in an e-mail? Could this be the same girl who referred to me as "the love of my life"? I seemed to be standing beside myself, watching in horror the way people watch a train wreck at the moment they know it’s going to happen and there’s nothing that can stop it. The linchpin of my arrogance had just been pulled, and it was all about to come down.

That night it was all too strange to be real. I took the high road and wrote Anna back wishing her the best and asking that she call me so that I might gain some grasp on what had just happened and if I might ever have her back. That night I was cool and composed. I spent the late hours of the night driving around Omaha, smoking a cigar and believing that I was wise beyond my years. While I slept that night, my thoughts and emotions reconnected and my tower of ego came crashing to the ground. I woke up feeling more utterly broken than I ever have in my life. I spent the next day at work alone with my feet in the baby pool, crying like a lost child. In the month that followed, she never called.

I had never felt so rejected and unappreciated. Through fifteen months I had loved her with everything I had and I didn’t even have a phone call to show for it. The thing that made me furious, though, was that my identity had been swept out from under me in one little paragraph sent from thousands of miles away. I had based so much of my self-image and self-confidence on the fact that I was boyfriend to this incredible girl, that when that was taken from me I wasn’t sure who to be. I had never acknowledged the fact, but Anna had been the driving force in my life. Her belief in me had given me what I always lacked: True belief in myself.

She came into my world at a time when I had made numerous improvements to my lifestyle. I no longer got drunk four nights a week like I had when I was a freshman. I actually attended my classes and studied for my tests. I did my homework and switched to the major I had always wanted. Despite all these minor successes, my confidence in myself and enthusiasm for achievement was waning. At the time I started dating Anna in March of 2002, I was standing at the brink of slipping back into my bad habits. Spring break in South Padre had served more as a tool of exhaustion than refreshment, and I was getting sick of school. My drive had been slowly fading, and she was exactly the boost I needed. Once we were together, my desire to be impressive for her pushed me to excel. That added drive brought me added success, which put me into a cycle of achievement. The more I did, the more I was willing to take on. By mid-summer of 2003, I thought I could do anything. By the end of that same summer, I was so changed that I felt I could do nothing.

The change in me shocked my friends. As the oldest and arguably the wisest member of my social group, I had become a role model. My two roommates were more like little brothers than friends because they looked up to me for guidance and motivation. I had always been the level-headed one. I was always the one with the answers. I was the one who got everything right. Suddenly that all changed, and I was the one sitting at rock bottom and reaching out for help. I was the one spending his mornings in bed, sobbing uncontrollably and begging God for a second chance to be a good man to his beloved girl. I prayed over and over that I could just hold her in my arms again. When I looked at my eyes in the mirror, I could hardly recognize myself. That couldn’t be me; I didn’t do this. I didn’t lie helpless anywhere, I didn’t sob, and I certainly didn’t beg God for things.

With the help of my friends and especially my family, I slowly got back to normal. I was just starting to feel like my old self again when Anna made her triumphant return from Turkey and called me on my 21st birthday. It was hands down the worst phone conversation and worst birthday I have ever had. She was so excited to be home and tell somebody the stories of everything she’d seen and done that she couldn’t begin to fathom the anguish I’d been through. She claimed that she took her leave of me because of her belief that I didn’t support her future plans or her love of art. My protests that I loved her and wanted only the best for her did no good. She had made up her mind, and eventually I gave up on her and hung up the phone. I spent time with Anna on a few occasions in the week after that, but eventually the awkwardness that hung over everything we did was too much for me. I could tell that in her mind she was keeping me a safe distance outside of her world, and I couldn’t stand it. Adding insult to that injury, I came to learn that my suspicion that she took such hasty leave of me so that she could be free to have an exotic fling with another guy while in such an exotic locale had been dead on, right down to my theories on the prime suspect. For that I forgave her, because in truth, she was only returning the favor. For not giving either of us a second chance, I was not so quick to forgive. It tore me apart, but I called her one night and told her that I no longer wanted us to be part of each other’s lives. The hurt in her voice sticks with me to this day.

Since school started I have grown progressively more comfortable with the idea of being on my own, but I have to admit that the comfort comes and goes in cycles. Each time it comes back, though, it’s a little bit stronger. I can honestly say that I’ve gotten back to being my goofball self. I am having fun again, and each day it gets a little bit easier to hop out of bed and think that something great just might happen that day. I am learning to be proud and successful for my own sake, not just because I think I have to impress a girl. I As of right now, I would say I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.

Since I was doing just fine, wouldn’t you know it…I saw Anna while I was on my way to class last Wednesday. It had been roughly a month since I had seen her or talked to her. She smiled and looked thrilled to see me, but if my face matched the way I felt then I must have gawked at her as though she had three heads. I was so shocked to see her that it never occurred to me to stop and say something, but in the last moment before I passed her I could see that she was saddened by my reaction. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about that moment almost constantly. Much though I spent months trying to convince myself otherwise, I still know that despite everything I love her deeply and would take her back if I had the chance…and as I put the finishing touches on this essay, my phone rings. I look at the clock and see that it is 2:25 AM. I can’t imagine who would be calling me so late or for what reason. I take the phone out of my pocket and stare in disbelief at the two words spelled out on its glowing green screen: “Anna Calling”

Actual Responses from Beav's PSYC 463 Exams, Exam 3

Holy crap, I was in rare form on this one. It was getting late in the semester, and to be exact I believe it was the Thursday before "Dead Week". Those of you who attend UNL know that the aforementioned weeks is when there is at least one exam and/or project due for every class you have, and it's generally something you should have been gradually working on all semester but haven't been. This is the time of the semester when college kids stop sleeping and start going insane. I got hopped up on caffeine and went off to take my test. This is what followed:

Q: Describe how we use the information from two eyes to provide depth information. (You should include a description of the horopter and the importance of feature detectors).

Me:

Well, that multiple choice section went a lot better than I expected. If you'd like to know my state of mind right now, I think I drank too much Mountain Dew, and my brain right now is like an electrical circuit that is drawing too much wattage. It'll go for a while, but then I keep having to trudge down to the basement and reset the switch to get my attention back. Also, you can thank the papal declaration for me making it to class today. I was up until 5:30 and crashed without setting an alarm. The continuous ringing of church bells and the howling of neighborhood dogs that followed woke me up. Also, isn't the plural of "retina" "retinae" and not "retinas"? I don't mean to nitpick...but that struck me.

Here we come to a question where you've selected a concept that I don't really grasp. How you discover a concept like the horopter frankly is beyond me. I think the term sounds more like a derogatory term for loose women than a perceptual concept. I think I might adopt it. Next time some scandalous female tries to lure me away from my woman I'll scream, "Leave me be, you horopter! I'm a taken man!!!" Failing that, if I ever start a service that offers helicopter rides to prositutes, I'll call it 'horopter'. Where was I? Oh yeah, taking a test.

Soooooo the way that we use binocular cues to determine depth is by doing a lot things, really. Firstly, some prior knowledge of the size of the object helps a lot in the top-down processes. From there, we can use the visual angle to get an idea (albeit a subconscious one) of how far that thing is away from us. The visual angle and the amount of "space" taken up on the retina let us know about how big something is, and where it might be. Big angle, either big thing, close thing, or both. Small angle, small thing, far thing, or both. Along with that, we can use the retinal disparity of the two images from our two eyes to get an idea of the position of this thing. If the images fall at precisely corresponding points on our retinae (sorry, I'm a grammer nazi), then it is said to fall on the "horopter", which is an imaginary arc somewhere out in front of my face consisting of points that are all equidistant from my aforementioned face. Evidently from the way I worded that sentence, the horopter exists in front of my face and no one else's. If the two images fall on different points, then the degress of retinal disparity tells us where that thing is. We also can use accommodation and convergence, the oculomotor cues, to get a sense for how close something is. We call it kinesthesis. It's science.

Her: Lots of good here but a few missed details...I thought everyone would take the first option on this one. Hope the Mt. Dew buzz has worn off....or maybe you're on the next wave

Q: What is Corollary Discharge Theory designed to explain? Briefly describe the components of Corollary Discharge Theory (i.e., MS, CDS, IMS, comparator). Give at least two examples of how Corollary Discharge signals and/or Image Movement signals would work to provide information about the presence or absence of motion.

Me:
Corrollary Discharge Theory, which at first might sound like a life-threatening heart condition, is actually a model to explain the process by which we distinguish between motion created by things that are actually moving (real motion) and the perception of motion that might be created by moving our visual field across stationary objects (illusory motion).

Basically, when I move my eyeballs, the model states that because my visual input is changing, there is a signal sent to my brain that some motion is taking place and the things in my visual field are changing. Since I moved my eyeballs, there is also a signal sent to my brain that says essentially "Hey, I moved the eyeballs." In the event of eyeball movement, a copy of the motor impulse, or "corrollary" is sent out...or something to that effect. I'll be durned if I can accurately recall the exact model. The upshot of the whole thing is that when both the motion signal and the corrollary arrive at the brain at the same time, the brain says, "Nope, no real movement, that was just the eyeballs moving." When only the motion signal reaches the brain, then movement across the visual field is perceived...I think. What I took away from all that was "Two signals at the same time, no real movement. One signal, real movement."

Q: What is perceptual integration? What is perceptual dominance? Describe the relationship between equivalence, integration and dominance.

Me:
Side note: Both these proctor girls are pretty cute. I don't need these distractions. I hate this testing center and the ADD nightmare it creates for me. One of the proctors has a t-shirt that says "I Like Dirty Boys With No Money". If that's true, I bet she'd LOVE me. I'm broke.

Whooo, you picked a doozy here, didn't you? Oooooookay, perception integration. What you have when you have perceptual integration is the use of multiple senses combined in some proportion to create an overall perceptual experience. For example, when I walk into the kitchen of our house, I combine the visual input of its general filthy state, the smell of wet dog (even though we don't have a dog...ewwwwww), the temperature of the air, the sound of the creaking floorboards...and perhaps the taste of a glass of orange juice that I get from the fridge to form my experiece of our kitchen. Then I think "Wow, I should really clean. Nah, I'm always the one who cleans, and I'm moving out in May. Let it be Dave's problem." But I digress.

Perceptual dominence, then, is the tendency for one sense to play a greater role in a given perceptual experience than others. Usually it's vision, but not always. Let's say I'm eating a steak. While the appearance of the steak is important to me, as is the temperature and texture of it, the most important aspect is going to be my sense of smell. Why? Because as we know, you can't taste much without smell, and the taste of that steak is what I care the most about. This may not be universally true, but it is for me and my steak, you can count on that.

You have a real penchant for asking questions that could be multi-page essays, and "Describe the relationship between equivalence, integration and dominance." is no exception. I'll explain equivalence by giving the example of me going skiing. This is an activity that, at least in my opinion, requires me to balance two critical senses: Touch and Vision. I must be able to see where I'm going, and I also must have a good sense for being able to feel the terrain, the consistency of the snow, the slope of the mountain, etc. so that I can respond correctly and not fall. I will go ahead and say I could not ski without either of these senses and I think they're pretty equivalent in the overall perception of me skiing.

The relationship, I guess, is that in virtually any situation, integration and dominance are happening, and in many equivalence is also happening. It is the overall proportionality that creates the precise pereptual experience in the moment. They are crucial to the overall perceptual experience because in case you didn't know, it is not a passive fidelity system.

Her: yeah...I knew that...here's the deal....dominance occurs when there's a failure of integration...the info coming in from the two senses can't be combined to form a unitary representation, so one modality dominates the representation that is formed by the senses...usually vision

Q: What is figure-ground segregation and how does it relate to the perception of objects? Describe some of the characteristics distinguishing figure from ground. What do we know about when figure-ground segregation occurs in the perceptual process, and what does that suggest about the nature of perception?

Me:
Well well well, looks like I jumped the gun on the ol' "what does that suggest about the nature of perception?" question. I was afraid we weren't gonna see it.

Figure-ground segregation is the process by which we pick out objects (figures) in the environment and separate them from everything else (backGROUND). It relates to the perception of objects because if you have vision, you're pretty much always doing it. Perceiving something visual? Figure-groud segration. Go ahead, try to think of a good, practical, real-world scenario where you're not figure-ground segregating while looking at something...I dare you. If you can't, I get an A+ for the semester and don't have to do the final. Deal?

The figure generally tends to overlap the ground. Take for example catching a football. If I'm watching for the ball, then I segregate the ol' pigskin (figure) from the sky (ground) because I can clearly see that the ball is overlapping the sky behind it. I also perceive the edges separating ball from sky as belonging to the ball, and not to the sky. Often the figure will have characteristics that differ from the background, such as the example of a K-State fan at a Husker game. The purple stands out against the background of red.

I don't really know what you're hinting at with the "what do we know about when figure-ground segregation occurs in the perceptual process", but I'd just be willing to bet that it means that we use top-down processes and that it all means that peception is (gets out tape recorder, hits play) "AN ACTIVE, ORGANIZATIONAL PROCESS."

Her: I can't think of one, but your A+ depends on what you CAN do, not what I can't do....(but good try)...perceptual process--go back to the loop...does it always happen 'in order'?

Q: (Shows a big picture of some cars on a highway near some mountains)

(a) List and briefly describe the information provided by at least 5 pictorial cues available in the picture.

Me: Ugh. Ok, we've got overlap. I know that the car is in front of that pine tree because it overlaps the tree.

We've got...ehm...linear...I want to say convergence but I know that isn't right...because the lines of the road get closer together as the road gets farther away.

We've got relative size. The tree in the background must be farther away than the tree in the foreground because it seems smaller.

We've got some texture gradient. The shubs, etc. seem closer together as they get farther away.
We've got storms moving in over the pass. Expect delays. If you can, avoid travel through this area, as blizzard conditions are possible.

We'd have that phenomenon with the horizon...if I could figure out where the horizon is in this picture. My Art History Major ex-girlfriend would be disgusted with me right now. That's okay, she often was. I'm not bitter. Moving on....

Q:
b) List and briefly describe at least 3 depth cues that would be available to you if you were actually sitting in the moving car from which the photo was taken (as opposed to merely looking at the photo, as you just did).

Me: What? There's no file in my brain for this...

How about...motion parallax. The stuff near to me would appear to whoosh by in the opposite direction while the far-away stuff would seem to be slow and in the same direction. Because I'm familiar with that concept, I'd use it in a top-down manner to determine depth.

I'd have some convergence because not everything would be on a screen 2 feet in front of me.

I'd have some accommodation for the same reason.

I'd have some music playing, and I'd be singing, because that's what I do on road trips.

Her: a) thinking of atmospheric perspective & ht in the field of view b) NICE SAVE!

Q:
The following questions all relate to auditory localization:

(a) What is the cone of confusion, and which cue to auditory localization is it most closely related to? How can people overcome the cone of confusion?

Me: (This is my favorite of all the answers I gave all semester)

I don't know. I was gone that day and you didn't put that info into the powerpoints. It just says in red "Insert cone of confusion".

At this point, the cone of confusion is the metaphoric area in my brain where the understanding of this concept would go, but instead I don't know what it is.

Q:
(b) Considering both interaural time difference and interaural intensity difference, what combination(s) of frequency and location of sounds will be most difficult to localize?

Me:

Low frequencies that were off in the periphery I'd think. Really low frequencies from anywhere, but probably moreso in the periphery because while there is a difference in time, there won't be much in intensity. If it's right in front or behind, there won't be interaural time difference, you know it's right in front or behind. High soudns cast that intensity shadow because their frequency is so great...so they're easier to localize. That must be why whenever the thugs come a thuggin' down my street, I can hear the bass blasting out their Cadillac for a long time, but can't really tell where it comes from until they're pretty close. Darn thugs and their thuggin'.

Q:
(c) Again considering both time and intensity difference, what combination(s) of frequency and location of sounds will be easiest to localize?

Me: High pitches, straight on. Intensity shadow. I said most of this in the last question. That's probably why sonar uses a high pitches frequency, eh? Maybe that's also why a bat was attracted by the beeping of our basement smoke detector as it ran out of battery last year and got down there and became stuck on a glue trap and ultimately died and caused the basement to smell weird. Maybe not...

Her: c) so is it wet dog or dead bat...oh yeah the wet dog's in the kitchen. you've got the big pieces....cone of confusion is a cone-shaped area extending and expanding from the ear ....all sounds falling on the cone have equivalent interaural time difference; easiest to localize are NOT directly in front or behind because those are confusible and NOT on the cone of confusion...you've got all the frequency stuff right

Actual Responses from Beav's PSYC 463 Exams, Exam 2

As mentioned in previous posts, my PSYC 463 professor was (and probably still is) really cool, and doesn't get mad when I completely fuck around on my exams.

Exam two saw me rather pressed for time and thus there is a shortage of funny responses, but I still got a couple out there.

Q: Compare and contrast the information that is available via audition, vision & touch. If you had to lose one of these three senses and could choose which to be without, which would you choose? Carefully explain your answer. (It may be useful to consider how you would ?replace? the information provided by that sense.)

Me: Okay, I run a definite risk of not sufficiently comparing and contrasting the information available via audition, vision and touch because that could (and does) take up a full book...but let's see what I've got.

Vision:
Simulus - Light waves & particles
Principal Organ(s) - Eyes
Receptors - Rods & Cones
Properties - Size, shape, brightness, color, texture, motion
Concept that most blows my mind - Opponent-process color vision

Audition:
Stimulus - Sound waves
Principal Organ(s) - EarsReceptors - Hair cells
Properties - Pitch, timbre, loudness, periodicity
Concept that most blows my mind - Missing fundamentals

Touch:
Stimulus - Pressure, temperature, chemical
Principal Organ(s) - SkinReceptors - Ehm...let's see here...ruffini cylenders, meisner corpussles, merkel discs, nociceptors...mechanoreceptors? Warm & cold fibers.
Properties - Pressure, temperature, stretching, motion, chemicals & extremes of the above (a.k.a. pain), texture
Concept that most blows my mind - Analgesia.

I really hope that'll do for now. I could spend all my time on just that part. I can easily tell you that I would choose to be without vision if I had to choose one of those 3 senses. No way would it be hearing because then my life would be devoid of music and I would quickly hate everything. I'd probably have a total psychotic break if I could never sing again. Also, being without a sense of touch would have to be about the most impossible thing ever to overcome. I have to imagine that it would be immensely difficult to be functional in a world devoid of touch stimulus. Plus which, touch is such a crucial and intimate element of human interaction that having it become a totally meaningless phenomenon would completely suck.

Doing without vision, while tricky at first, would be overcomable. I don't know if "overcomable" was a word before, but it is now. On the downside, I'd never see anything again, but on the plus side, I could still smell, hear, feel, and taste. Also, I'd never have to worry about how to decorate my home or whether or not my girlfriend was good looking, because what difference would it make?!? As if that's not enoguh, I could get a guide dog, which would be awesome, or possibly even a helper monkey, which would be even better. You think you're getting a monkey just because you're deaf? Sorry, I don't think so. They have sign language for that. You don't get a monkey if you can't feel anything either because you'd probly poke him in the eye really hard and not even mean to just because you have no concept of proprioception or kinesthetics. Then the PETA peple would get all pissed and probably throw paint and hemp all over your house or something. Nobody wants that.

Her: I'm glad you take the time to make my grading more interesting. You have really nice start on something you could use for the final here....on your comparisons & contrasts bulk up your consideration of cortical organization.


Q: For your next research project (you?re a dedicated perception researcher, after all!), you plan to study taste identification and discrimination. You intend to use stimuli which you will construct out of mixtures of ?basic? tastes. The stimuli will be liquids administered onto the tongue via an eyedropper. When you present your intentions to your supervisory committee, you get the following comments and questions. Respond to each (be sure to give reasons for your answers!).

(a) Your advisor throws you a softball first question, asking exactly which part(s) of the tongue you will choose to place the taste substances. Why does she raise this question, and what will be your response?

Me: Well I don't see what that has to do with softball, but okay. (Pause...groan...)

She raises this question because she thinks I'm an idiot. (She may be right.) My response is that I will place the substances on the tip of the tongue, and perhaps a little bit on the sides and back, but not in the middle. The tip and sides of the tongue are more sensitive to taste, while the middle of the tongue actually is not really sensitive at all. This is due to the lack of taste receptors there.

(b) The next committee member tells you that there is no basis for your research, as there are no agreed upon ?basic? tastes. How will you respond to this assertion?.

Me: I will stare at them as much as to say, "You bumbling ninnies, why do you question me?" After I've done that, I'll give a pained sigh and then tell thim that in fact there ARE agreed upon basic tastes. They are sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and sometimes umami (much like sometimes "y". it's the lonely outcast of the basic tastes.)

(c) The next clown (oops, I mean esteemed director of your future) tells you that this is a bad idea. ?You?re wasting your time unless you use real taste stimuli, like Twinkies, Oreos and Fudge Stripes. How will you respond to this ?helpful comment?? (Hint: What KINDS (there are more than one) of differences will there be in the information available from the stimuli you suggest and those your committee member proposes?)

Me: Well, I'll inform him/her that varying the conditions by depriving participants of smell or by altering the color of the liquid such that it does not correspond to the expected taste greatly affects the ability of people to identify tastes. If that isn't sufficient, I'll resort to hurling insults based on body weight.

(d) Your final tormentor (you?re beginning to think this committee is MUCH too large!) asks if you plan to allow participants to use their sense of smell during the taste task with the chemical stimuli. For the moment ignore the ethical implications of performing olfactory bulbectomies on forty or so 181 students. Based on the data discussed in class, what will be the relative taste performance levels with versus without smell?

Me: Crappy. You pretty much can't taste without smell. It's science.

Actual Responses from Beav's PSYC 463 Exams, Exam 1 Retake

If you didn't catch the first in this series of posts, basically my PSYC 463 professor is really cool, and finds it entertaining when I joke around some while answering my test questions. She made the mistake of admitting that she thinks I'm funny, so that loosed a demon right there. The following are some actual responses from when I retook Exam 1.

Q: What is detection? Compare and contrast absolute threshold and difference threshold. Why are thresholds important?

Me: First I'd just like to say that those multiple choice questions were BRUTAL. Easily at least twice as hard as the original exam. You have an amazing ability to select the questions that I told myself, "She won't ask that on the exam."

Detection is basically the realization that a stimulus is present. In an unrelated story, a really attractive girl just sat down next to me. This could be a distraction, but I'll attempt to soldier on.
Absolute Threshold: The minimum amount of enery necessary for a subject to reliably detect the presence of a stimulus.
Difference Threshold: The smallest difference between two intensities of stimuli that can be reliably detected by a subject.

Thresholds are important because they tell us a great deal about the amounts of energy that are necessary for us to be able to perceive the world around us. The range of applications is so huge that I dare not get into it, lest I fail to do it justice and also run out of time. For me personally, thresholds make me aware that there is a whole gamut (bonus word points) of energy in the world, and I'm only aware of the middle-most percentage of said gamut, generally speaking. Threshholds are also important because without them, we'd have noplace to put our doormats and indicate in woven writing to visitors that they are "welcome" in our homes. (Minus 3 terrible joke points)

Her: Need some cheese with that whine? ;-) Remember thresholds help define "normal" and so help us understand perceptual defecits

Q: Define a neural circuit and briefly describe the two basic types. Compare rods vs. cones in terms of neural circuitry, and describe the resulting differences in perception. Briefly discuss whether the nature of human neural circuits argues for a passive fidelity or an active organizational perceptual system.

Me: (First part of response was not funny, just answering the question, I'll pick up where I start being a jackass) This is why when that hot girl sat down next to me and I got her image right on my fovea-o'-cones (scientific name), I could see her in sharp detail. Tall, blonde, thin, red shirt, jeans, etc. I would like to point out at this time that I am not creepy or a stalker, contrary to how it may sound from my example. When I got back to focusing on my exam, she was now in my visual periphery, so while I knew she was still there, more rods than cones were picking up her image, so I just kinda had a general idea that she was there and about how big she was and whether she was moving. (rest of answer is also not funny)

Her: Thanks for making me laugh out loud....you must type well or your exams would take forever, but they are amusing. AND you did a good job answering all parts of the question

Q: What is a feature detector? Describe the kinds of ?specialized? visual feature detectors that appear to exist in bees, frogs and primates. How important are specialized complex feature detectors for visual perception? Are these feature detectors inborn or created through experience (be careful and complete!)? Why might animals have these detectors for some kinds of objects/features, but not for others?

Me: (Most of response is technical and boring) Basically let's explain it this way: think of an animal with a decent visual system, then think of a thing in its environment that it would be really important for that animal to recognize. Got one? There's a feature detector for that. (Your example was a horse, and your environmental thing was hay. If I'm wrong about this...pretend like I wasn't. If I'm right, +10 psychic points.) I could go on like this, but I think you get the idea.

Tangent: The girl who just sat down now is wearing my favorite kind of perfume. How am I supposed to focus with that going on? Honestly...

These specified cells are very important to visual perception, because without them, how would we have an specific vision? The world would be a big, unintelligible blur. If I only had one kind of cortical cell for my vision, I'd run into stuff like the dickens. Okay...maybe that's not a great example, but I really wanted to say "like the dickens". Feature detectors allow us to (duh) detect the features of the world around us, and adjust accordingly.

Now why might animals have feature detectors for some objects but not others? Well, are you a creationist or a Darwinist? Being a Darwinist myself, I'll say that it's probably a combination of chance and adaptivity that was evolved over many many years. They probably had detectors for a ton of stuff once upon a time, but the animals with an abundance of the detectors without practical application probably were less successful in what Dr. Leger likes to call "the reproductive arena". The ones with lots of detectors that helped them survive (such as bees having detectors for flowers, me having detectors for Chipotle) were more successful reproductively, and gradually the species evolved to consist of individuals with abundant, adaptive feature detectors. I know that's oversimplifying it, but it would take many pages to properly explain it in an evolutionary context.
If you're a creationist, the answer is that God wanted it that way, and don't you question Him or you'll burn.

Her: --You invented the horse and hay thing.... --You have skirted around the plasticity issue...almost got there but no-o-o-t quite...remember we landed on the idea that there is certainly the PLASTICITY to develop feature detectors for environmental stimuli that are important --Assuming your Darwin poisition for the moment, would an individual start out with "tons" of feature detectors and have many wither and die? Or would individuals start out with the plasticity to develop feature detectors for those things that enhanced their survival....and so on as you described? (Although I'm still trying to figure out how a feature detector for Chipotle will enhance your reproductive success?????) --Do you really believe that creationism and Darwinism MUST be mutually exclusive? (and no I'm still not telling)....

Q: Briefly compare and contrast the trichromatic and opponent process theories of color perception. Are these theories specificity theories or across-fiber pattern (distributed coding) theories? Why? What was the result of the "clash" of these two opposing theories?

Me: Whoooooooo, briefly huh? I'll see what I can do.
My latest distraction: I'm hungry, and the proctors are eating Papa John's pizza in their little proctor office. Now that's just not cool.

(insert long, boring answer with no jokes)

The debate created a great sexual tension between the theories, but the tension was resolved two were mated after it was discovered that both were correct, and were simply occurring in different parts of the visual sytem.

Q: You're sitting in the basement intently reading a chapter in your perception text for the second time (is this a dream?), when you suddenly notice, out of the corner of your eye, that something is scampering across the floor. You immediately lift your nose out of your book, look around and discover what looks like a mouse about 10 feet away from you. You quietly move a little closer and determine that the mouse is actually your roommate's pet mouse Rover (so named for his propensity for roving aimlessly about).

27(d) Which layers of the LGN will receive information about the "scampering" motion? (Be complete and specific and explain your answer.)

Me: Oh ballacks. To be consistent with my earier answer and avoid cognitive dissonance, I'm going to say layers one and two because they detect motion, but I could be entirely incorrect. The word for those layers completely escapes me. I have a "pu..." in my mind, but all I can come up with are purposive, purfunctory and purgatory, none of which is correct.


Q: 28(a) What perceptual process begins immediately when the lights go out?

Me: Dark adaptation, as well as the audition of my swearing aloud.

28(b) With your reading light out, how long will it take before your ability to see the words in your book will be as good as it's going to get? Explain your answer.

Me: Well that depends...am I to assume that there is still some light available? If there is no light, then I can sit there until the cows come home, I'm not gonna see anything. If there is a little bit of light, then my ability to see the words in my book will be at its best after about 30 minutes, because this will be the time when I've become fully dark-adapted, and am relying mostly on my rods to take in as much light through their little convergent networks as they can. I'll notice a quick increase for 4-6 minutes while my cones adapt, but it won't be great, and after that they're maxed out. It's gonna be a good 30 before those rods are rockin'.

28(c) After about 10 minutes you notice a faint light coming through the crack in a closet door. (Don't ask me why you're still sitting here in the dark....the stories don't get that detailed!) FIRST, why didn't you notice the light before? SECOND, can you expect your perception of the intensity of the light to change over time? Carefully explain your answers.

Well, I didn't notice that light before because there was a bunch of light already in the room. That faint light was too dim to be detected amidst all the existing light. I can expect it to seem brighter (a.k.a. more intense) over time because my vision will adjust to the dark, and I will be better able to perceive the dim light.

More importantly, where did that mouse go? Now it's all dark and he could be anywhere. My roommate will be pissed if I step on his mouse.

Actual Responses From Beav's PSYC 463 Exams, Exam 1

My PSYC 463 class has all computerized tests that the students take in the testing center at Burnett Hall. Ah, the magic of technology, right? WRONG! This is a room full of computers and people. It is hot, features the noise of scores of clicking keyboards, shuffling backpacks and opening and shutting doors, and has a constant traffic of people coming in and out, and proctors moving around to administer people's exams. In short, it is the opposite of the ideal place to take a test. The typing allows me plenty of time to write "creative" answers on my exams, though. Since my professor is really cool, she appreciates the humor and writes little comments back to me. She has on several occasions told me that she "loves" grading my exams, and saves them as a special break from grading the boring exams of my classmates. The following are actual questions, my actual responses, and my professor's actual reactions from some of my exams.

Q: Where are cortical cells for vision located, and where is the receptive field for these cortical cells? What is a feature detector? Describe the three types of cortical cells and the ways in which they act as visual feature detectors.
OR
What is the sensory code? Describe how each of the specificity coding theory and distributed coding (across-fiber pattern) theory propose that the sensory code works. Which theory is right? (Beware the too simple answer). How do these two theories address the mind-body problem? (Be sure to tell what the mind-body problem is).

Me: Before I begin this question, I would like to share with you that the click-click-clicking of scores of different keyboards in this hot room full of harsh flourescent light is pushing my "freak out" meter increasingly higher.

Ok, now that I've read the question, I have no idea what the answer is. I really was convinced for some reason that since the start date of the test had been pushed back, that the ending date had been pushed back as well, and I am what we call "unprepared" due to the exams being given in literally all of my other classes, as well as extensive rehearsals and performances for vocal groups, work, and a friend visiting from out of town. I was really counting on that extra day or two.

Q: What is detection? Compare and contrast absolute threshold and difference threshold. Why are thresholds important?

Me: Oh thank God, I know this one. I was about to have an aneurism. My space bar squeaks every time I press it. I would pay large sums for a good old pencil-and-paper test right now.
Detection is essentially the ability of an organism (let's use me as an example) to tell that a stimulus is "there". Since we're using examples, let's use my squeaky spacebar as an example of thresholds.

The fact that I am able to hear the squeak EVERY TIME I press space bar is because it produces a stimulus (in this case sound) sufficient for me to DETECT it. I really wish (and suspect that the people around me also wish) that it produced a sound below the absolute threshold of human audition so that we couldn't hear it. I don't think I technically defined absolute threshold in that rant...it's the least amount of a stimulus necessary for detection.

Perhaps it might be better even if the squeaking of my space bar were gradually decreased until I noticed the change--which would be an example of difference threshold, which is the amount of change in a stimulus necessary to realize that there has been a change. Yes, just keep on gradually descreasing the space bar squeak until I can notice the differences (method of adjustment) and then keep on decreasing until it's gone. Either that or throw the keyboard off Oldfather. I'd enjoy that.

Her: At least I'm entertained....hope you were able to laugh at your situation -- or at least that you can in hindsight...SO why are thresholds important?

Q: CHOOSE ONLY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING (be sure I can tell which):

Construct a description of the retina around the duplicity theory. (Be sure to start by briefly describing the duplicity theory).

What is a receptive field, and where are they located (specifically) for each modality? What is a center-surround receptive field and what are the two types? What is center-surround antagonism, and how might it affect the response of a neuron with a center-surround receptive field?

Me: Hey, congratulations, you selected more information I have yet to master. Also, am I supposed to CHOOSE ONLY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING between the first line and second paragraph, or do I select one and only one question? I'm going to assume the former and make an attempt at answering. Ready? Here I go.

A receptive field, as it pertains to vision (and in this question I assume we're discussing vision, but forgive me if I've made an 'ass' of 'u' and 'me') is the area of the eye and its structures that is *receptive* (hence the name) to stimulation. That having been said, I have no idea where they're located, or even what each modality is. How about the retina? The retina sounds like a great place for a receptive field, if only to me.

I have good news though, I do know what a center-surround receptive field is. It's pretty much what the name suggests...there is an area in the center of the field with a particular sensitivity, and a surrounding area with a different sensitivity. The two types are excitatory center with inhibitory surround, and inhibitory center with excitatory surround.

Center-surround antagonism, then, is also precisely what the name suggests. The if the center of the field is excitatory and the surround is inhibitory, then those are *antagonistic* properties, and it might affect the response of a neuron with a center-surround receptive field by making it quite picky about what types of stimuli make its little action potentials fire. I really wish I could draw a picture at this point.

Okay, let's say I have a cat with an electrode in its brain, and his little electrode is on a neuron with said center-surround field. If (between sneezes, because I'm allergic to cats) I show the cat a bar of light that lands in the excitatory center of his neuron and not on the inhibitory periphery, then his little neuron will just go nuts. If I put the bar of light outside the center and into the inhibitory surround, the firing rate will drop below baseline. If I put it somewhere between, you guessed it, the response will be somewhere between.

Unrelated request: Look at the picture of the cats with goggles on from those experiments on sensitive periods of vision development, and try not to laugh. I bet you can't do it, because a cat in goggles is funny looking.

Her: You have a fun sense of humor, Dan! Good job with the center surround stuff. Back to receptive fields...yes for vision it's on the retina. where for the other modalities (senses)?

Q: Describe the physical characteristics of light that are related to our perception of color. (be sure to consider both emitted & reflected light) Respond to the statement, "Each object has its own single wavelength."

Me: Ok, first I'm going to respond to the statement, "Each object has its own single wavelength." Ready?
NUH-UH! NO IT DOESN'T! DOES NOT DOES NOT DOES NOT TIMES INFINITY PLUS ONE!!!

Now, that having been done, I'm going to guess (because I've dealt with an educator or two in my day) that you want me to explain *why* that was my response before you'll give me any credit. Very well, then. Each object does not have its own wavelength, only the light has its own wavelength. An object is just an object, and it appears to be whatever color it appears to be not because it "is" that color, but because we *perceive* that color when we look at it. If a bird looks at the same object, it sees something different, especially if it's a hummingbird. Those little buggers have a crazy visual system. It is the light, not the object, that has the wavelength.

The physical characteristics of light that are related to our perecption of color as essentially wavelength, hue and saturation...but arguably wavelength is the only "physical" characteristic of the light. The lower wavelengths of light will be perceived as violet, then moving upward we see blues and greens, then yellows, oranges and reds at the high wavelenths. Saturation just refers to how much white light is or is not presenet as we perceive the color, and hue refers to...uh...how "true" the color is? I got nothin'...

Q: (Huge story problem. I won't paste it all here, because I know you don't care.)

A. Which event in Josie's experience corresponds the the perceptual phenomenon of detection?

Me: Vision? I'm not sure what you're asking me, but I think I'm supposed to say that she was relying on her vision to initally "detect" the things around her, namely a deer.

Q:
B. Which event in Josie's experience corresponds to the perceptual phenomenon of identification?

Me: The left side of this keyboard sticks, and it's making my left pinky feel really weird. Identification was when our pal Josie said to herself "that's a deer". Also later on when she realized "that is a statue" and "that is a crow" and "I am a moron". Okay, maybe that last part wasn't in there.

Q: E. Which receptors are responsible for Josie's perception of the movement off to the side of the road AND what kind of neural wiring connects those receptors to their ganglion cells?

Me: Yeah, couldn't tell ya. Did I mention I thought I had more time to study? One of the proctors is kinda cute, I can tell ya that.

Q: F. Which pathway from the striate cortex to the extrastriate cortex carried the information about the movement on the side of the road AND which cortical module(s) received this information?

Me: See answer e

Q:
You're at a party talking about the study of perception (this is going past dream into nightmare!) with a friend who is a biology major and insists that the most important way to understand human perception involves studying neural responses. He gives you some examples of response characteristics of primate neurons he's been studying and is wildly surprised at your ability to name the type of neurons he's studying and tell where they're located (make me proud now!).
(a)
What approach to the study of perception is your friend most strongly aligned with?

Me: How about I make you ashamed now? I can much more readily do that. My friend here is pretty deep into the biological/physiolgical approach.


(c)
The next neuron is one that responds best to a 90 degree "corner" of a particular size moving from left to right. What kind of cell is this, where is it located, and where is its receptive field?

Me: That's a....um...right angle cell located in the ehm....yeah ok, I give up.


(d)
Your friend is impressed so far, but he's pretty sure he's got you on this next one. This neuron is specialized to respond to faces. What kind of cell is this, where is it located (be specific), and where is its receptive field?

I can assure you my friend is NOT impressed, and I have already left to get another beer. I have only three words that could possibly help my point total for this question: Fusiform Face Area

(e)
Your brother's girlfriend, who is a postdoc in neurobiology at Cornell, where she is participating in a program designed to integrate the study of neurobiology with the study of behavior, has been eavesdropping on your conversation. She sidles up with a sly grin and asks, "So do you really believe that neural responses of non-human primates tell the whole story about human perception?" What other approach to understanding perception will she try to convince your friend to consider AND how would she suggest integrating this approach with your friend's approach?

I think the more important question is why did she just sidle up to me with a sly grin? She's supposed to be my brother's girlfriend...we're not in olden times here where if he dies she becomes my wife. Really, how does one sidle? If I were to say to you, "Dr. Turnage, show me a sidle." could you do it? I know I couldn't.
I don't remember what approach she's going to pitch to me, but I'll probably beg her to ask my perception professor to let me keep the retake score as my exam 1 score and take pity on me for being a stressed-out moron. If I weren't cracking jokes right now I'd probably be crying.

Her: Better laughing than crying....we'll talk after the retake