My Ongoing Attempt To Be An Academic Martyr, My Ongoing Success At Being A Procrastinating Douchebag
It's 2:50 AM on a Saturday, and I'm wide awake.
Hook line for an action-packed story? Nope, sorry. Not tonight. It's just another interesting start that leads to the absolute anticlimax that is my life at present. Here's a rundown of my enthralling Friday night:
5:00 - Arrive at work. My idiot server manager (who I suspect smokes a lot of pot in his off-time) has scheduled two people for the same section...again. He's done this probably at least 10-15 times over the last 3 weeks. I don't have a section, so now I have to either talk somebody into leaving or just go home. Only people with crappy sections or people who have to close are willing to trade with me. I'm not in the mood to work a crappy section or be there until 12:15, so I go home. There's at least $70 not going into my pocket tonight.
5:20 - Arrive at home. My keyless entry won't lock my car...again. I try pressing the button a bunch of times, and then I try fidgeting with the casing of the control to see if that somehow brings it to life. No luck. I take a few steps toward the house, and then violently spike my keys on the ground, splaying open the casing to said keyless entry and sending the electronics card skipping across the driveway. I stomp it into the concrete Office Space style.
Evidently I'm cranky about work.
I calmly lock the car the old-fashioned way and go inside. This must be what people mean when they say that even when I'm clearly pissed off, there is still a calm exterior about it that makes the whole situation comical. I guess I have what you would call a calculated sort of rage.
6:00 - I'm finishing the last bites of an entire frozen pizza by myself. Usually I can give half away to the girls, but they're at their performance. I tell myself that I'm going to the rec at 8:00 and that my lifting will justify having just eaten way more food than it takes to run my 163 pound body. Deep down, I know this is bullshit.
7:00 - I fall asleep on the couch.
1:30 - I wake up when my roommates arrive home from the cast party I was going to attend before I fell asleep. I clean up the remnants of my dinner.
2:00 - My roommate's quasi-boyfriend/friend with benefits has arrived. I haven't met him, but I've heard a lot about him...and she neglected to mention that he's a Goddamn man-beast. This guy must be about 6'3" and at least 215 pounds of pure muscle. He's wearing light colored Timberlands and a Phat Farm shirt. Clearly he's a little bit gangsta (hails originally from Washington, D.C.), and in addition, he plays rugby. From these two facts I know that he:
1) Has probably been in real fights as opposed to the near-fights-that-never-quite-were that I've been in.
2) Has no proper understanding of pain or fatigue.
I take one look at him and think, "Well, I'm not the man of the house any more while he's around..." We talk for a minute, and he seems like a pretty nice guy. Still, though, I can't shake the image of him grabbing me by the neck with one massive hand and knocking my head off with the other. He goes upstairs to hook up with my roommate, and I retreat to my room to ponder my new beta male status.
2:30 - I put some clothes in the wash and sit down at the computer. I marvel at the juggernaut of procrastination that is thefacebook.com. I facebook my PSYC 350 lab TA.
Let me restate what time it was and what I did just so how big a loser I am can sink in for you:
At 2:30 on a Friday night/Saturday morning, I did laundry and then facebooked my lab TA.
This brings me to why I didn't go out in the first place; I'm failing lab and I need to do about 5 or 6 old assignments in addition to the rest of the upcoming work so that I can pass. At the time I suddenly had the night off work I thought, "Oh good, I'll get my assignments done and then I won't have to worry about them Sunday after I've worked a double." I've been saying shit like this for the last 2 weeks, and I haven't gone out in 2 weekends because I've told people that I was going to stay in and do homework. Meanwhile, I've intended to do homework and actually ended up doing things like finally getting around to hanging stuff on the walls of my room, moving furniture that I don't really need down from my parents' house in Omaha, getting back in shape, and arranging music for Bathtub Dogs. All of these are worthwhile endeavors, but not when you're failing a class.
Meanwhile, we have my TA. Being the sweet, merciful girl that she is, she didn't fail me outright and kick me out of class (though she easily could have) when I fell behind and skipped a lab. Instead she is allowing me to turn in all my assignments clear the hell beyond their due date so that I can graduate and not have to repeat 350. This creates more work for her, and she's already busy as hell. Every time I see her she offers me a little more unsolicited lenience with the deadline. I finally told her today never to ever do that, ever. Telling a kid with ADD, "If you need a couple more days, that’s ok." is roughly the same as saying "If you want to just push that deadline back and not do shit while you get through one more season of NCAA Football 2006 on your Playstation, that's ok." As of last weekend I wasn't any closer to having any of the assignments done, but I did get a really bitchin' recruiting class.
Once I told her not to be so flexible with me, she straightened up and tried to give me a "tough" speech. There are few things more adorable than a girl who wants nothing more than to be nice to everyone trying to have one of those "or I'll kick your ass" moments. Usually those moments end with me laughing really hard and the girl saying something like, "What?!? I can be tough...sometimes...." but this time I kept a straight face, nodded and said, "Yes ma'am." In a related story, I'm a shameless suck up...and it works.
So now here I sit at 4:00 AM, writing a blog while my homework still goes untouched and unfinished...and it's moments like this that make me realize that I'll always have a much greater passion for creating and entertaining than I'll ever have for the working world or for hard science. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't intended to be a hippie and I just didn't turn out liberal enough.
Well, no time like the present. Lots of people do homework at 4:10 in the morning on a weekend, right? Christ...that sounds like something a serial killer would do.
The good news, I guess, is that my TA has a great sense of humor and even invited us in class to be funny with the stuff we turn in. Careful what you wish for...you just might have a jackass/aspiring comedian in your class...
Hook line for an action-packed story? Nope, sorry. Not tonight. It's just another interesting start that leads to the absolute anticlimax that is my life at present. Here's a rundown of my enthralling Friday night:
5:00 - Arrive at work. My idiot server manager (who I suspect smokes a lot of pot in his off-time) has scheduled two people for the same section...again. He's done this probably at least 10-15 times over the last 3 weeks. I don't have a section, so now I have to either talk somebody into leaving or just go home. Only people with crappy sections or people who have to close are willing to trade with me. I'm not in the mood to work a crappy section or be there until 12:15, so I go home. There's at least $70 not going into my pocket tonight.
5:20 - Arrive at home. My keyless entry won't lock my car...again. I try pressing the button a bunch of times, and then I try fidgeting with the casing of the control to see if that somehow brings it to life. No luck. I take a few steps toward the house, and then violently spike my keys on the ground, splaying open the casing to said keyless entry and sending the electronics card skipping across the driveway. I stomp it into the concrete Office Space style.
Evidently I'm cranky about work.
I calmly lock the car the old-fashioned way and go inside. This must be what people mean when they say that even when I'm clearly pissed off, there is still a calm exterior about it that makes the whole situation comical. I guess I have what you would call a calculated sort of rage.
6:00 - I'm finishing the last bites of an entire frozen pizza by myself. Usually I can give half away to the girls, but they're at their performance. I tell myself that I'm going to the rec at 8:00 and that my lifting will justify having just eaten way more food than it takes to run my 163 pound body. Deep down, I know this is bullshit.
7:00 - I fall asleep on the couch.
1:30 - I wake up when my roommates arrive home from the cast party I was going to attend before I fell asleep. I clean up the remnants of my dinner.
2:00 - My roommate's quasi-boyfriend/friend with benefits has arrived. I haven't met him, but I've heard a lot about him...and she neglected to mention that he's a Goddamn man-beast. This guy must be about 6'3" and at least 215 pounds of pure muscle. He's wearing light colored Timberlands and a Phat Farm shirt. Clearly he's a little bit gangsta (hails originally from Washington, D.C.), and in addition, he plays rugby. From these two facts I know that he:
1) Has probably been in real fights as opposed to the near-fights-that-never-quite-were that I've been in.
2) Has no proper understanding of pain or fatigue.
I take one look at him and think, "Well, I'm not the man of the house any more while he's around..." We talk for a minute, and he seems like a pretty nice guy. Still, though, I can't shake the image of him grabbing me by the neck with one massive hand and knocking my head off with the other. He goes upstairs to hook up with my roommate, and I retreat to my room to ponder my new beta male status.
2:30 - I put some clothes in the wash and sit down at the computer. I marvel at the juggernaut of procrastination that is thefacebook.com. I facebook my PSYC 350 lab TA.
Let me restate what time it was and what I did just so how big a loser I am can sink in for you:
At 2:30 on a Friday night/Saturday morning, I did laundry and then facebooked my lab TA.
This brings me to why I didn't go out in the first place; I'm failing lab and I need to do about 5 or 6 old assignments in addition to the rest of the upcoming work so that I can pass. At the time I suddenly had the night off work I thought, "Oh good, I'll get my assignments done and then I won't have to worry about them Sunday after I've worked a double." I've been saying shit like this for the last 2 weeks, and I haven't gone out in 2 weekends because I've told people that I was going to stay in and do homework. Meanwhile, I've intended to do homework and actually ended up doing things like finally getting around to hanging stuff on the walls of my room, moving furniture that I don't really need down from my parents' house in Omaha, getting back in shape, and arranging music for Bathtub Dogs. All of these are worthwhile endeavors, but not when you're failing a class.
Meanwhile, we have my TA. Being the sweet, merciful girl that she is, she didn't fail me outright and kick me out of class (though she easily could have) when I fell behind and skipped a lab. Instead she is allowing me to turn in all my assignments clear the hell beyond their due date so that I can graduate and not have to repeat 350. This creates more work for her, and she's already busy as hell. Every time I see her she offers me a little more unsolicited lenience with the deadline. I finally told her today never to ever do that, ever. Telling a kid with ADD, "If you need a couple more days, that’s ok." is roughly the same as saying "If you want to just push that deadline back and not do shit while you get through one more season of NCAA Football 2006 on your Playstation, that's ok." As of last weekend I wasn't any closer to having any of the assignments done, but I did get a really bitchin' recruiting class.
Once I told her not to be so flexible with me, she straightened up and tried to give me a "tough" speech. There are few things more adorable than a girl who wants nothing more than to be nice to everyone trying to have one of those "or I'll kick your ass" moments. Usually those moments end with me laughing really hard and the girl saying something like, "What?!? I can be tough...sometimes...." but this time I kept a straight face, nodded and said, "Yes ma'am." In a related story, I'm a shameless suck up...and it works.
So now here I sit at 4:00 AM, writing a blog while my homework still goes untouched and unfinished...and it's moments like this that make me realize that I'll always have a much greater passion for creating and entertaining than I'll ever have for the working world or for hard science. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't intended to be a hippie and I just didn't turn out liberal enough.
Well, no time like the present. Lots of people do homework at 4:10 in the morning on a weekend, right? Christ...that sounds like something a serial killer would do.
The good news, I guess, is that my TA has a great sense of humor and even invited us in class to be funny with the stuff we turn in. Careful what you wish for...you just might have a jackass/aspiring comedian in your class...
posted by Beav at 4:05 AM
1 Comments:
Ahhh hahahaha! You got spammed!
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